Goddamn, it's been a minute. Reminded myself somehow of this page after a year of posting last. Never kept up with this much anyway, compared to pages full of physical writing in notebooks, but that's how it should work I guess, correct? Reliance on technological means as little as possible. The reason that I'm adding to this as we speak is solely because I feel like writing, but have been drinking too much for legible handwriting. Typing somehow is not an issue to me though; maybe this is a sad realization of my familiarity with tech over old school means. Fuck it. It's roughly 4:30am, and I can't seem to stop myself from getting just one more beer. Just one more beer. Rinse, wash and repeat. It's not that I'm an alcoholic, I've been better lately, but for some reason something about tonight has struck me funny. Maybe that's why subconsciously I uncovered this page and decided to add to it, who knows. One more Corona down, justification in full force. "Dear Diary, please help me, I'm miserable," am I right? but enough of that cry for attention garbage. I'm a happy dude currently in a sad place, or maybe I'm a sad dude currently in a happy place, I haven't decided yet, all I know is that everything has been better than it has been for a long time, yet for some reason I'm pushing beer after beer, cigarette after cigarette. Overly buZzed + sad songs maybe. That can always do it.

   Within the last 3 months I've: Moved out, developed a terrible alcohol habit, lost my job, mended my alcohol habit, got a new job, joined a band I used to play for, played at House of Blues, got a new job, found out after 21 years that I have a half brother, and saw some faces that definitely threw me off a bit, yet at the same time gave me a bit of closure on certain aspects of my life. Nothing crazy, white people problems at best, but it has definitely still been quite a trip so far. Spent the night about two weeks ago in an empty room drinking 40s by myself writing lyrics by candlelight. That was a pretty liberating feeling actually, just spending time with myself, searching my soul. Maybe that's why I'm enjoying typing this right now, same principle. The day after I lost my job because of drinking, I walked to the beach at about midnight armed with only a candle, a notepad, a pen, a full pack of red Paul Mall cigarettes, and my rouge, unorganized mind, and let me tell you, writing by candlelight, with the gentle and sporadic harmony of crashing waves, and rustling waters orchestrating an almost lullabying sound in the background not only influenced a serene mindset, but one of the most introspective and meditating events I've ever had the privilege to experience.

   As I write this the clock is pushing 5am, and I need to at least attempt to sleep in order for a shot at a comfortable time at work tomorrow, so for now I shall sign off, but this excerpt has yet to continue...